Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
