Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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