its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
