that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
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He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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