...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
