In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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