found the other keg... it's in the tree
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
