Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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