K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
