I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
