I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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