the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
