Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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