i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
