My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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