It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
