Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
