why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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