just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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