Pregnant stripper...not hot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
