Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
