He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
