He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
