dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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