five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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