Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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