Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
