she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
