I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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