As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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