remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
