well I can't set my house on fire every night
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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