hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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