I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
