So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
