I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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