just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you win again, gameday.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
