it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
