I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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