Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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