I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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