Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
