Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
