it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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