he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
