Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
