I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He kissed a someone with a penis
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
