omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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