Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize