So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
