I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
