Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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