Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
