cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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