I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this beer tastes like vomit already
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you win again, gameday.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
