OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
