did you get engaged???
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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