so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
