do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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