Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
