wanna go halves on a baby?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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